The question comes up a lot among widowed and those who are interested in dating them – how soon after the death of a spouse is it considered appropriate to begin dating/or pursuing? Other widowed people like to trot out the tired cliché – It’s such a circular and unhelpful answer that I’d like to ban the phrase from the grief lexicon because given the minefield of rules and expectations surrounding widowhood, asking is the only way to clarify whether the signals you are receiving from your peers, family and friends are about your welfare or their self-interest. Scarlett knew the rules on widowed decorum because society at that time spelled it out. It may have sucked, but everyone was clear on the time frame and waited (while perhaps discreetly lining up suitors for once the deadline had passed). Younger widowed date and remarry sooner, and at higher rates, than older ones.
Attempted to look resolute and somber, smiling wanly as you sat out your “black-shirted” year on the wallflower bench. Whereas the newly broken up or divorced are free to take the field again as soon as they like, the widowed must navigate religious, family and community rules on the subject, and they vary. But, having children or not, being younger or older and your general state of resiliency in the face of tragedy plays into this as well.
You can always dip your toe in the dating pool and take it out again if it doesn't feel right.
Other WAY members can provide an invaluable source of advice and a sounding board for people who feel ready to start venturing out into the dating world again.
I know some people will say that was too soon as well - and again, I didn't find it easy telling Neil's parents or friends - but it felt right to us, and we thought a new baby would be a wonderful way to cement our relationship.
As a follow-up to our article, here are more thoughts on navigating the often tricky waters of dating someone who is beginning to date after grieving the untimely loss of their partner or spouse – from Members of our own Widow/Widowers community here on e Harmony Advice, in their own words.
One is ready to date again whenever solitude gives way to loneliness.
Average time frame for widowers who remarry is about two – three years while for widows, it’s three to five years.
The best answer I ever heard was something along the lines of And it is. Stereotypes say that men date sooner and remarry more quickly than women do, and there is statistical validity in this.
He suddenly wanted to “just be friends” when he found out I had a child.
Then it was back to online with , which I found out after the fact is a well-known “hook up mostly” site.